i'm such a control freak...

...that it is KILLING me that i don't know, for sure, where i will be teaching next year. i'm so upset with all the budget cuts and downsizing! not only because it is affecting our kids and their education, but because it's affecting so many people i know...myself included. i know, i know....i should totally be thankful for the fact that, no matter what, i KNOW i will have a JOB next year. but to think that i may have to change grade levels (i love first grade) or worse, change school sites (i love my co-workers) leaves me feeling VERY uneasy. like queasy-uneasy. :( my hubband says i stress too much...and i know i do. no matter what happens, i'll be ok...unless they give me a 5th or 6th grade class. but i have a job! it's just sad that i LOVE where i teach now...even if it's not in the best area of town or the easiest kids on earth. i love that i know i'm making a difference. i know i'm providing these kids with some stability and love that they may not get at home. i know that i am NEEDED. and i love that i become so close with them through the year, that even with their tough lives and their barriers, i can make them smile and giggle. so do i really want to leave? no...i still have too much passion left in me to leave a place like this. it's hard, i will admit that. it's hard to teach the kids who come in with so much baggage....but in the end, it's just that more rewarding.

...but if i have to leave, then i have to leave. i just hope and pray that i get to stay at my school site in my current position. damn the economy, damn the budget cuts....damn all the people who continue to think it's ok to take so much money from education. i may be complaining about something as petty as my own job...but seriously....think of the kids. they NEED to come first.

back to reality

i'm quite sad about that fact that i have to go back to work on friday to set up the classroom...and school begins again on monday. i am hoping that this trimester goes by quickly. it's the last trimester of the year, and there are always so many things going on...but the kids will begin to get "spring fever" and it will be that much harder to keep them under control, especially this year with this group. ahh! let's hope for the best on monday. ;)

i haven't blogged all month...wow! i can't believe i've been off work for a whole month; but it has been a pretty productive one. i worked 6 days while i was off, which will bring in a nice chunk of change. the new blinds got put in finally, and i even spent 2 days putting up new curtains! i love them because they make the house look more "home-y". i did not, however, step foot in my gym until this week. of course, the LAST week i'm off. grr to me. :( i so wanted to get myself back into a routine this month. but so good fitness news: i have fallen in love with doing the yoga exercises on my wii fit. and man, it's quite the workout! i've done it every day for the past week, and i find myself sitting up a little taller now. :)

so here are my spring goals, published for all to see. ;)

1. i will go to the gym at least twice a week in the evenings (as hard as this may be to stick to, it's almost impossible for me to go in the morning!). i know it doesn't sound like much, but baby steps until i can make it part of my normal routine. and i will try and drag hubband with me!

2. i will eat healthier and keep better snacks around the house for both myself and my hubs. this means cooking healthier for the two of us and less eating out. we did that a lot this month since i was off...but i'm going to try and limit our eating out/date nights to twice a month. do-able!

3. i will give myself "quiet time" each day to unwind. i don't do this for myself enough when i am working because i get caught up in daily chores and planning for school. this month i have realized that i NEED this time to center myself.

4. i will try and clean up as i go during the week. i cannot stand spending a whole saturday picking up crap left around the house during the work week! so i will try and put my things away as i go....and i will try not to let the fact that hubband does this irritate me. ;)

let's see if i can stick to my spring goals. not to lose weight or become a body builder, or to be a domesticated godess...but to feel better about myself and my lifestyle. because sometimes i feel like i fall short. that should be enough to keep me going. :)